Fake Food

It’s Friday night, and I just realized that I haven’t eaten a meal at home for about six weeks now — unless you count Special K or Easy Mac. The last time I set foot in a grocery store was about a month ago, when I was in charge of cooking for the neighbors’ Sunday night dinner. (And I bought only what I needed.)

Cooking for one just takes too long.

My breakfast generally consists of either a Caramel Nut Balance bar, or a multi-grain bagel with egg and cheese from Au Bon Pain in my office building, along with a large cup of black tea and two packets of Splenda.

Lunch is generally either brought in because we have a meeting (salad, pasta or sandwiches), and if we don’t have a meeting, I get a salad.

Dinner last night, for example, was a Snickers before volleyball at 8:10, then a grilled cheese and salad (and two beers) at Ginger’s, our after-game bar. The night before it was a double cheeseburger and two beers at the Billy Goat. Eww. Tonight I had tuna at Subway (which by the way was the daily special, so I actually had dinner for less than $4!)

But the kicker is the “fake food” that I’m sorry I ingest. I suppose Balance bars fall into that category. Today it was some weird sugar-free hard candies that Jeff had at his desk.

After I had two, he informed me that they’d give me the poops. Thank you very much.

This reminded me of a discussion I’d had earlier in the week about those nasty fake “half the fat” potato chips that came on the market a few years ago. Apparently they tested them by setting them out for employees to eat, and everyone was getting sick.

I’m writing this right now to convice myself that it’s a very bad idea to go get some of that Edy’s half-the-fat cookies-n-cream ice cream that’s in my freezer…


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