Lakeview Times — May 25, 2007


Chicago, IL — A Lakeview woman was attacked with a pre-meditated spike to the head Thursday while playing in the semi-finals of a seemingly harmless volleyball league.

“Nelly”, a combination setter/hitter for the Hot Irish Dickies was playing center back when the incident occured. The perpetrator, a semi-pro player and former referee for the league, hit cross-court from the outside directly at Nelly’s head. The force of the ball hit Nelly square in the eye, and knocked her airborne before she landed with a bounce on her left buttock.

The victim’s team smelled trouble when they arrived at court and saw “Travis” walking in with an otherwise not-very-skilled team. “We couldn’t believe he would stoop so low to play on such a bad team. And it’s insulting that they would recruit a pro to play dirty in our BB Level League,” said Jocelyn, setter for the the Dickies.

The Dickies were well-acquainted with Travis, having played for two years with him as a referee. Travis had even joined the team on two occasions at the team’s after-game bar, Ginger’s.

The scuttlebutt between the two parties began over the holidays, when Travis contacted Nelly via and asked her out. Nelly allegedly e-mailed two polite replies, then ignored him once he produced his telephone number.

His bizarre behavior first manifested itself when he chose to play with the mediocre, dirty-playing team in the same league as the Dickies. Until last night, however, it was limited to fake smiles and small talk.

“We knew he was taking his spite to a whole new level when he showed up last night in a see-through white spandex muscle shirt to show his nipples,” said Dan, outside hitter for the Dickies.

Nelly reported that her saving grace was the two beers she’d had in the hour between their first round game and the semi-finals. “It was the natural painkillers in the alcohol that allowed me to pick myself up, keep myself from crying and finish out the game.”

The team returned to the bar following their losing effort to ice Nelly’s eye with a Miller Lite.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    […] Last night was our first volleyball game of the season, and this time we decided to play in the “A” league — i.e. “competitive”. We’re also playing on Wednesday night instead of Thursday night, which means we have different refs — i.e. not the one who spiked me in the eye. […]

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