Punishment

I have been banished in my advertising kingdom, where puns are considered the lowest form of humor. People don’t even groan when I start twisting words around. They scowl.

I have pretty much punted the effort for good. It’s quite unfortunate that I’m not one of the creatives, because once I get going, I’m a great ad libber.

You can imagine my delight when I saw one of the concepts for a project at work this week. It has an accidental pun. For a pungent leak. From the posterior. (I suppose you could say we’re pushing something from between our puns?)

Tonight, in honor of my favorite punsters (Mom, Trish, Becky), I am proud to present some groaners:

#1 — A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”

#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, “Dam!”

#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t
have your kayak and heat it too.

#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other
says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

#8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flower from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    DIY said,

    Hisssssssssssss.


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