Two Strikes for the Morticians

Last night I joined Jenn, Leah and Melanie at Wrigley for a Cubs-Brewers game. I was about an hour late, due to heavy traffic driving back from the burbs, but nevertheless I made it by the 4th inning to claim my luscious onion-topped dog and a Bud Light.

(And yes, I did feel bloated today at my 8 a.m. meeting, in case you were wondering.)

cubs 3

I like to think that my arrival caused the turnaround that ended in a win for the Cubs. Yea!

cubs 1

The other three girls started at Casey Moran’s (pub) at 5:30, so they were a little silly and causing quite a stir with the two older gentlemen next to us (Mr. Big and his sidekick) when I arrived. Note: by the end of the game, their wives had banished them to the end of the row, away from us.

After the game we zigzagged through the crowd back over to Casey Moran’s. The line was a half-block long.We weren’t in the mood to wait. So Mel walked up and asked the bouncer (who they had schmoozed earlier the evening) if we could go in. He said yes, and we walked right through the door, each of us kissing him on the cheek as we passed. Ah, to be a VIP.

Once in there, Leah and Mel spotted one of the patients they’d seen earlier that day (they work in a dentist office). He came over with his friend bearing drinks. The friend was standing next to me, so we struck up a conversation.

Not bad looking, seemed to have some wits about him.

Then he told me he was a funeral director. I told him I used to eat my pets. He thought I was weird. (I pointed out that it’s also not normal to be schlepping dead bodies around in your car and then draining their blood and putting make-up on them.) He then told me his latest business idea was to arrange lake cruises as funerals (cast the ashes into the water), since cremation is such a hot deal. I commented that such an ending is delightful.

Apparently his family has been in the funeral business for four generations. And since summer is his “slow time”, he gets to go to lots of Cubs games. (Halloween through New Years is the busiest.)

I told him I used to market Bibles to funeral directors, so I know ALL about their antics. One time we did a mailer with a picture of a hearse with the back door open, with the headline, “Waiting for business to pick-up?”

About midnight, we decided we’d both had enough of the noise, so I headed for home. Outside the bar I asked if he had children. He said no. I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said yes.

Dating morticians is clearly a prospect that is dead in the water.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Pastor Tom said,


    I love your mortician stories –
    they are so earthy!

    Pastor Tom

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