Interview with Mr. Farmer

You’re listening to FM 90.3, GALN, Galloping Public Radio. This is Inquiring Minds, and I’m your host, Nelly.

Today we’re here with the talk of the town — a man who is the source of much speculation — Mr. Farmer.

Nelly: Tell us, Farmer, how did you get your pseudonym?

Farmer: You gave it to me.

Nelly: Where are you from?

Farmer: North suburbs of Chicago.

Nelly: What is your occupation?

Farmer: I engineer and sell commercial HVAC systems.

Nelly:  In other words you figure out how to blow hot air?

Farmer: Only when you pull my finger. It’s a gift.

Nelly: Do you have any pets?

Farmer: Not anymore.

Nelly: Did you eat them?

Farmer: (Blank stare)

Nelly: How many plaid shirts do you have?

Farmer: At least a dozen.

Nelly: How many pairs of jeans do you have that you DIDN’T purchase at Cabelas or Wal-Mart?

Farmer: Four. I prefer Kohl’s.

Nelly: What occupation other than your current one would you like to try?

Farmer: I’d like to create a company that sells residential ground source heat pumps.

Nelly: What is your avatar for me on your phone?

Farmer: Mud flap girl.

Nelly: Clearly she looks nothing like me. Her hair is much too long. Uh, which painting did you like best today at the Art Institute?

Farmer: Gas Station by Edward Hopper.

Gas Station

Nelly: What did you eat for lunch?

Farmer: A pulled pork sandwich on a Cuban roll at The Gage.

Nelly: What’s the most exciting thing that happened to you this weekend?

Farmer: That’s tough. I took the bus for the first time using my new CTA card. And I have my own personal parking space a block from your house, thanks to you.

Nelly: What song are you currently learning to play on guitar?

Farmer: Bad Moon Rising. I’ll serenade you soon.

Nelly: If you had to pick a structure for your back yard, would you choose a tent or a shed?

Farmer: Shed. But only if it had a cement floor.

Nelly: You have a hair in your nose.

Farmer: Thank you.

Nelly: When will this baseball game be over?

Farmer: We can watch something else.

Nelly: My hero.

There you have it folks, the scoop on Mr. Farmer.

Do you have burning questions for Mr. Farmer? Simply post a comment, rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time.

Next week on Inquiring Minds, we’ll explore the psyche of my cat, Nette. ‘Til next time, this is Nelly. Bringing you the news you want to know.  

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7 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Wildcat Fan said,

    How do you feel about lutefisk?

  2. 2

    Mr. Farmer said,

    I had to look that one up and from what was described to me and what I’ve read on dictionary.com, I’d rather eat nothing but peanut butter for the rest of my life. The “lye-soaked” and “gelatinous” descriptions alone made my tongue simultaneously curl and water while I reached for the Maalox. If it’s some sort of holiday tradition, I would only hope it’s followed by some butterscotch pie. Either that or I hope DIY’s dog sits under the table and likes lutefisk.

  3. 3

    Ann said,

    When are you coming to Kansas so we can meet you? I guess we just missed you in Chicago when we were there. We are trying to plant corn for our stove for next winter but it keeps raining. Kinda makes us sound like down home country folks and if we dont get the bathroom fixed upstairs I, we may not be too far from it.

  4. 4

    Mr. Farmer said,

    Hi Ann. My very first KS excursion is only a few days away. Just yesterday I was studying up on my wheat varieties. You know, your hards, softs, reds, whites and the like. That’s about all I know about wheat…or Kansas for that matter. That and the Jayhawks just cost me $10 by kicking the crap out of NC. You shouldn’t feel bad about your bathroom. It took me 3 years to finish my upstairs bathroom remodel and I’m well into year 1 for the basement bathroom. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’m surprised Nelly hasn’t reminded me that my basement is a long way from Rome.

  5. 5

    Marguerite said,

    You two are a perfect duo!!!

  6. 6

    Aunt Gayle said,

    Sorry I missed you when you were in Kansas. Don’t know where I was, but not in church. Will have to meet you next time you come to the great state of Kansas.

    Was wondering if you liked pickled herring or ostakaka? They are great. Lutefisk isn’t bad, if it is fixed correctly. I hope you are up to being harrassed by the family. You have no ideal what you 2 are in for.
    Especially since you haven’t met the greatest aunt of all – – ME!!!

    Take care.

  7. 7

    Mr. Farmer said,

    You missed a great pot luck. They sure can cook at that church. Luckily, there was no pickled herring. Ostkaka isn’t too bad. I had some at J&M’s and I must say it was really pretty good. It’s not half as bad as the literal translation sounds which is cheese-…uh, wait, that’s the mexican translation. To get the best of the family, I’ll take the rest of the family, even if it comes with a little harrassment. Just ask Norm.


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